so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Randomize
