and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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