It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
