Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
