This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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