i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
