So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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