This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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