is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
did i walk over a car last night?
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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