Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Randomize
