I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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