I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
