chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
found the other keg... it's in the tree
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
