Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
