Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
They took my balls.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
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