i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Randomize
