Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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