You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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