Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
