If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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