Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
