I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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