The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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