i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
i was born a porn star she said
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
