never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
