Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Randomize
