My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize
