Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Soap is not a condiment
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
