You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Randomize
