im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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