he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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