I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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