; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
a search helicopter?!
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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