His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
