OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
