Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Randomize
