I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
where are you?
Hypothermia
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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