im drinking this country out of the recession.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Randomize
