the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
