how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
