I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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