"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Operation Purity has been aborted
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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