well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I feel great
I just peed on a car
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
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