Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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