I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
