That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
