I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Who did Billy Mays play for?
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
