Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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