omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
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