This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
