Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
