Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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