you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
How does one acquire holy water?
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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