So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Randomize
