Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
