I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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