Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
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