tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
