my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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