Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
You've changed since you got that strap on
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
