i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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